I think loneliness is one of the worst things you can do to a person.Many narcissists and empaths were created only because they were not received with love in this world at the time of their birth. But most people can’t remember that time. You have to have a lot of confidence in your gut feeling in order to go back in your own history in thought and with the observation of one’s own body in the time leading up to birth.
Freud would probably have called this free association in his psychoanalysis.You just lay down, think about the time and just wait and see what comes. It worked well for me. But I also had 15 years of experience in my self-observation. It was a puzzle of many fragments that I wrote down and which resulted in the following picture at the end.
My mother didn’t want me and hated me as soon as I was in the world.She ignored me and let me snare for an infinite amount of time. She very rarely looked into my bed or approached me, she had a young girl to go out in a pram. She later always told me That I was a “scream child” and that even the neighbours had complained. My grandma would have told her to let children scream, that strengthens the lungs.
I remember, however, that she only took me into the marital bed when she didn’t have a goat on sex and she didn’t take me on her bed side, but put me in the middle of the visitor’s car, usually without covering me properly.Unfortunately for me, the pleasant human closeness always left me with a bitter taste.
Mostly, however, I had to go to sleep alone in my bed and was left crying.When I wanted to calm down, I constantly made mmm sounds and painfully pressed my fingernails into my palms. Then gloves were put on me so I couldn’t even feel myself. I suspect that’s why I have problems with my body image today.
By the way, this is called sensory deprivation.Much research has been done on this and it is a well-known and very effective method of torture. Body and soul belong more closely together than many believe. Therefore, one can remember things before the time before you could speak about the body and, for example, smells or other sensory impressions.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t even allowed to chuck my thumb during the baby’s time.My mother immediately put mustard on it and later my grandma’s tar half ointment against psoriasis.
No wonder i find it difficult to calm down today with violent feelings and am always grateful when a friend takes me in the arm and comforts me in such moments.
It was only after these memories that I realized why so many old and young people who live alone become so depressed.We human beings are social beings and need human closeness and security to feel good.
If we don’t have that in life, we get sick and go in.
Think of solitary confinement in prisons as a means of exerting pressure or the mental state of the children, who were found in Yugoslavia at that time in a completely neglected state in children’s homes there.
It is enough if a narcissistic mother is there 24 hours a day, but is never emotionally accessible.
This leaves deep wounds in children, often worse than when they are beaten.