Oh Dayum… Fat hairstyle.. I had only so much hair on my head.Hmm he rocks his outfit fine by being so good in shape. .. Frickin’ [Celebrity.. also has everything with it!
This is not going through my head constantly but I am getting myself more and more often on somewhere halfway through 2017.
I walk across the street, sit in the train, am in the at the physio, in the doctor’s waiting room.
Good beard Joh, I do not succeed.Frickin 1, 85m [+ Other dimensions Why am I not?
At one point it strikes:
Oh that man is fat joh he can only walk in this heat, oh that comb-over is violently that’s not doing man.
Soon I’ll see that too!
I have an impression/judgement, so others also about me!In the back deeply tucked away in my being I know that in something better form than the one I mirror with, but it is slowly becoming my self-image.
Let’s grab the search engine… Bad idea because I come out on Morphodyshoric disorder (disorder in the body experience).This becomes annoying, already have enough on my head.
Cup of coffee, a blank leaf, some markers and my brain gently go to work.All thoughts, words, synonyms… I write about everything that has to do with jealousy about body characteristics, this is frightening. I can hardly stop writing!
At some point I can distilling it to 1 statement:
I don’t have all that so I’m less… Worth?
The word that….Refers to everything I envy in appearance and I also realise that it goes secretly too.. Business success, financial opportunities, personal life… I start to get a favorable feeling about these aspects in both strangers and acquaintances!
Anger.. Frustration about myself.. This does not strike anywhere:
The appearance of the other makes for a happier life than I have with my appearance?
No either, isn’t it?I can only lead my life not that of another. Moreover, I have the choice to suffer or not..
I’m not satisfied with myself!
I look in my (mental) mirror: too heavy, too weak, not healthy.I have good reasons for it, and although that relativating flow of thoughts helps me to calm down, the basic feeling does not change.
Blegh, I don’t feel like this!WHY should I work on this… Blahblahblah. .. no capacity…. blahblahblah….I have… Just fill in
Another indication that I have encountered something important.
I come to the following:
- Language use: compliment instead of compare.
Instead of valuing a value judgement sheets. Sometimes out loud sometimes only in mind.
I started working with this and points 1, 4 and 5 are in a much better place.Nutrition is not optimal but a lot better (no sugar, dairy, > 70% less meat, beware of wrong carbohydrates, more water, less caffeine).
I’m going to praise myself aloud.Oh I have (still) a sense of rhythm, I can train relatively easily.My back is quite strong. I know quite a lot about X, Y, Z.
Physically I’m 200% farther than in 2017 but I’m still not fit for a long time.From 3 June I will take another step in this. But more on that later.
I look at others with less jealousy, it has been made to a large extent for healthy ambition.Of course I want that sixpack yet or super long hair or says my brain instinctively that bigger.. Hands have been better. I can do a lot of things and I can weigh myself or make it worthwhile.
So I’m stopping at it being jealous of the looks of others