Being Assertive is your being worn with respect for others while also asking for respect for yourself. When you are assertive, you can accurately express your feelings, ask for what you want and say no to things you don’t want.It is easier to see your needs and desires filled in and get the respect of others.
People often fall into one of three behavioural styles: passive, assertive, or aggressive.
Passive or subassertive means that you are inclined to respond to the wishes of others while ignoring your own needs and desires. You have a hard way to say no, to make decisions and to have eye contact.Moreover, you do everything to avoid confrontations. If you get on restaurant fish instead of the ordered chicken, you keep your mouth.
Aggressive people are inclined to just fill their own needs at the expense of others. They often lose their patience, take decisions for others, and sometimes call to get their way.Often they use confrontations to express what they want.
Assertive people take into account both their own needs and those of others. They can tell their feelings and when there is a disagreement they can answer respectfully.They can ask for help to others, be confident and able to make decisions. They can say no to people or situations they don’t want. And they feel responsible for their own feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Attention: Not everyone is assertive in all situations.
How can I ask a question assertively?
To formulate a request in an assertive way, you can use THE DESC script. DESC stands for Describe, Express, Specify, and Consequences.
Tip: Practice this script for different situations where you want to be more assertive.
Also write it out and practice pronouncing it.
Describe.Describe the behavior/situation as completely and objectively as possible. Just the facts! “Last time when Johan and Lies came to visit, I only cleaned the whole house.”
Express.Express your feelings and thoughts about the situation/behavior. Formulate it with “me” and not with “you”. A phrase you start with “You” often pushes people into the defensive, making them not going to listen to you. “Therefore I felt exhausted and angry.”
Specify.Specify which behavior/result you prefer. “I would like to have both brushing the house.”
Consequences.Specify the consequences: both the positive and the negative consequences. “If we work together, the House will be clean quicker and we can enjoy the visit together.” Or “If we work together, I will feel less tired and irritated.”