I understand from your question that you are already on one of the first stages to heal yourself from narcissistic abuse.The finding that your father shows traits of a narcissistic personality disorder is likely to be a difficult time for you. Probably you knew all the time that something was wrong with your father. But you just couldn’t understand how someone you are descending from and who has full responsibility for you and who was supposed to love you unconditionally, just in the sense of destroying you. The realization that you were raised by someone who did not appreciate and love you as the wonderful and unique being is heartbreaking. Your self-esteem is probably just on the ground. But believe me, with a lot of work on yourself and time, you will find your cure from it. Here’s what I did…
Break off contact or severely restrict it:
By this I mean that you are deluding yourself from the influence of your father and thus preventing him from playing more “games” with you.If he died, distance yourself from all family members who would never believe that your father was a narcissist. A narcissist tends to show himself to others in a quite charming form. So you can’t blame others if they don’t believe you about the true nature of your Father, or what your father is. Was. In a family where a parent has a narcissistic personality disorder (NPS), there is usually a strongly preferred (desired) child and a scapegoat who is the target of the narcissist. Scapegoats often occur in dysfunctional families. They live up to what is going wrong in the family.
Arm yourself with knowledge of NPS:
Knowledge is power.And the very knowledge that you are not alone is very encouraging. When you find out why your father is the way he is, you realize that you have done nothing wrong. You were a child with an empathetic personality that needed care and love. This was yours just like any other child on this planet. But as a child, you experienced severe suffering through narcissistic abuse, which takes me to the next point.
Mourn, honor and heal your wounded inner child:
I know that much has been written about the inner child and that some people are critical of this approach.But once I understood the scope of this concept for myself, the tears ran down like torrents of tears in deep sorrow and pain. The flashbacks were cruel and I realized that I basically suffered from the same post-traumatic stress disorder (PTBS) as a soldier returning from war. In a gestalt therapy, I discovered that I myself had inherited some narcissistic behaviors. As a result, I have become more aware of my own behaviour and will probably struggle with it for the time of my life not to feel “good enough”. Well, at least I’m aware of that now…
Accept that your father has a mental illness:
I know that many people here will disagree with me.But for me, it is very comforting to classify NPS as a disease that will probably never be treated. Of course, this doesn’t take away the pain and abuse I’ve suffered, but it helps me cope with my life. My mother was most likely the child of a narcissistic father herself, and I believe that this “disease” is generational. Whether NPS is inherited or not, it most likely manifests itself in the family and leads to great suffering. I don’t see a monster in my mother. But this is also because I have little contact with her and have decided to forgive her. I believe that resentment is like drinking poison that you hope will kill your enemy.
Live life the way you want it and be kind to you:
If you have read up to this point, then you are probably already on a good recovery path.None of the steps is easy and it is so tempting to fall back into old patterns. You wish you parents you never had. You can’t turn back time. So, take care of yourself, just as the loving father you so much desire would do.
I cannot stress the importance of lovingly caring for oneself.Learn to love yourself. Stop destructive behaviors that have so far stunned your pain caused by the abuse.
I hope that this very long answer will help you.Finally, I wish you only the best on your journey.