Suffering is an experience that is difficult for human beings to bear.Thus he is constantly trying to escape this state; to flee. We stuff ourselves with sedatives, drink alcohol, flee into the beds of transient lovers, use one or two drugs, plunge into a work addiction, sink into a new series on Netflix or book an exotic beach holiday; far from our suffering and the things that might remind us of it. But suffering is not a physical place, but a state of consciousness that accompanies us everywhere, no matter where we flee.
What would happen if we had the courage to slow down our flight; even bring them to a standstill?What would happen if we simply bravely turned around and looked into the face of our suffering? What would we see? What keeps us from asking what it wants from us? It doesn’t follow you for no reason! It wants your attention! It wants to tell you something! What would happen if you stretched out your hand and touched your suffering to feel if it was so painful. What would our suffering answer, why does your society seek it so much?
I can only describe the question asked on Quora from my painful experience with a malignant narcissist and from my choice of suffering reduction.However, it cannot be limited to them.
First Truth – Life Is Painful
The reason for this is because man searches for his ultimate bliss throughout his life and can never find it in full.Nothing will be able to give the personality structure in man such a constant and lasting feeling, because it is in the nature of man and his personality structure to be able to experience never lasting satisfaction. Thus he experiences suffering in the event of loss of a partnership, a job, when the beloved pet dies, when he processes his childhood, when he is misunderstood by his partner, when he is deceived and deceived, when death took his beloved child, when we age, when we give birth to a child and when we disintegrate from diseases. There was, and there was not, and there was not a single human being in human history who never suffered. Narcissistic abuse also produces a great sense of suffering. Not only was the relationship with a loved one betrayed, our perception was consciously aged, our ability to trust was damaged, our entire self was questioned 鈥?not least by ourselves, which made it so damaging. So the only consolation is this axiom: life is painful.
Second Truth – Suffering Results from Desire
The reason for this is that man adheres to the outside (objects, institutions, people), but also to his own inner and foreign beliefs, imprints, beliefs and thoughts – clinging to them, demanding them in order to achieve bliss through them.The adherence to something or the desire of something opens immediately and inevitably the gates of suffering. Because as soon as something coveted doesn’t arrive or goes away, it’s like a small death that we’re always dying anew 鈥?because we identified about it. With identification and the unsuccessful absence or loss, a part of our identity dies.The fact that we could not hold on to a common life with the (severely disturbed person) is reminiscent of such identification with the concept of a common life plan. Its failure caused suffering in us.
Third Truth – Suffering Can Be Ended
Only when man is able, without exception, to desire the things he desires, because they are lovable or satisfy his needs 鈥?only when he abandons his longing for them without cause, his suffering ceases.For every single one is hereby called upon to question every time a desire arises: Why do I want it so much? Why do I need it? At this point, our own deceptions are blown up, because they reveal all our true-believing identifications.
Fourth Truth – This path is open to everyone!
It is always the responsibility of the individual to consciously choose the way of detachment.It is not a power that relieves him from the outside, but a decision within the powerful inner workings of every human being. Thus, the experience of suffering (in all its intensity) is a very important aspect in order to bring oneself to awareness and self-healing.The impetus!
What can the first steps of the path look like?
We must take responsibility for our suffering, because we ourselves, through our ideas and thoughts, our desire for what was never true, our driven desires for illusions and all our unfulfilled expectations of life, brought and brought suffering to us. .This does not excuse the injustice of abuse in your being, but it does not relieve you of the responsibility not to (longer) hold on to the suffering of abuse. “Pain is unavoidable.Suffering is optional.” – Buddha
Thus the victim suffers narcissistic abuse, because he adheres to his ideas,his desire for love and expectations (hopes).Go to the source of sorrow where the pain arose, and question:
Why did I want love from this person so much?What needs did the person in me satisfy? What did she do or said what I needed to feel completely? What did I end up with this association that only this person gave me? What do I think about myself? Who am I, in the face of idealization and devaluation? What do I want to prevent through my suffering? What do I not want to see? What am I afraid of? What statements did I believe? why? Why do I stick to the imprints and (untrue) thoughts? What value does my suffering have for me? What is its significance? What do I want to hide?
Recognize that thoughts are just thoughts.They come and go like the clouds in the sky. We have thoughts – but we are not our thoughts!But if we give ourselves especially to negative thoughts, they become negative feelings, negative emotions and ultimately negative actions. At some point our body also speaks this negative language and so illness will be our way. Mindfulness to cultivate the right thoughts and let the wrong ones pass by; is a beginning.
The Four Noble Truths are the foundation of Buddhist doctrine for overcoming suffering; by Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha).