How can a psychologist or psychiatrist determine if someone is narcissistic?

I am the questioner, but I have not yet grasped how I can describe my question in more detail here.So this “comment – question” on my own question :

Years of personal experience of “my” marriage (mal) wife.I got away with it, with damage. It took years, decades.

It seems to me that a narcissistic behavior of a person cannot be found, identified, discovered, discovered by the narcissistic person himself.Not even by a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Narcissists are always absolutely perfect, have a really plausible explanation ready for everything, worked out logically down to the smallest detail.The cause of an accident was never the narcissistic person himself, but were and are always other persons, sometimes several, or even unhappy (or even happy, depending on how and who looks at it…) Circumstances, events, coincidences.

It seems to me that such psychobehaviour of a narcissistic person can only be encircled by questioning the environment concerned, questioning of their (their) victim (victims) and others.

Session, questioning, analysis of the narcissist (my then wife, in my case) led to nothing – except that she had also ripped the psy under the nail – as well as many of my acquaintances and my kin茅sitherapists).She was really efficient in this art, I have to leave it to her.
“good” narcissists are simply far too perfect, have experience, know the smallest corners of the human psyche,
there is no salvation for normal people,
except “Way there !Forever !”.

I am sorry to have to say this,
that certainly sounds brutal,
but I also want to live.Just just LIVE. Without many claims.

What do you think?
Did I do her badly to save me, to leave her alone?
She absolutely wanted to keep the children.I thought that if I wanted custody, there would be a lot of strife (even on the children’s humps). So, don’t argue in court, that would have only made everything much worse, for our children. I gave her every month between 8oo to 12oo 鈧? in cash, envelope, in addition to the court settlement. It wasn’t until long after I learned that the children had never seen anything of it. She just messed it all up. Whisky and festivals make, invite.
I had also given her my share of the house, which I had done alone, with my work, worth about one and a half million, I had just had land register entry made on the two of us.You can be so stupid when you’re in love. Have left everything to her, just so that she finally gives peace, let me live), she finally stops me from souring my life. Enough is enough. What more do you want? I have nothing more !

She had taken on debts to the bank, ostensibly to upgrade the house – but she was just doing it all.
In the end, she quickly squandered the entire estate for thirty thousand – just what she owed the bank.
For me, perhaps all possible understanding finally ceased.

Since then, she has been living in an old caravan, which I once gave her because she no longer had accommodation.It is in a floodplain of a river, it is only tolerated by the community there. The land belongs to her, it was cheapest (with my money at the time, which I had left her. With my money, she could have bought a safe house (or two, or three) in a village. But it doesn’t. Tastes are different.

Forgive me for writing so much about it.
When I see such questions here, I just want to try to pass on my own experiences.
Perhaps my experience could awaken someone from his dreamed Sleeping Beauty?The person peels off before a prince or a frog or a princess kisses them?

Now I will be slain, that is certainly like the Amen in the church.

Narcissus is such a thing…
Once you’ve fallen into the trap –

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