To the next,
You have chosen a heavy lot.I can understand you. Presumably he hugged you, told you the most beautiful things. That you are the only one who can heal him. That he has been waiting for you, only you, all his life, and that his life was not worth living before you came. That he needs you and you are the mother of his children.
He will tell you that he did not have it easy.That his life was hard and he made wrong decisions that he is not proud of. You will believe him, because his charisma will enchant you. You will think you are the only one, True, Valuable, who can save him because you think you have looked into his heart. You will do everything for him, forgive him for all the mistakes in an instant, because you think he can’t do anything about it. He will change, because I can show him the way.
But it will not change.There will be more. From week to week. From month to month. You’ll think it’s up to you and you’ll feel bad when he gets the worst out of you. The self-doubt will eat you up. Every new morning after the fight will be a mystery: why did I become like this? You will feel bad. You may be ashamed. You will consider yourself a bad woman who has become evil and addicted.
You will tolerate yourself, don’t worry.He will tell you that you are and remain the only one and that he wants to make an effort. You will say that you do not want to be like that. You will love you.
But the moments will be more.It will eat you up. Whether you love or hate, cry or scream, it won’t change, it’s going to get worse. You still think: we can do it. We have been created for each other. It’s a coincidence.
Until the end, when your whole life is just circling around him and you try to keep everything together in desperation, like a hand full of snow that melts inexorably in it.And then when you’re so addicted that you don’t know the difference between love and hate anymore
Then he will go
Leave you behind.Because his love was and is never real. He used you for himself, tried you, “be” and didn’t love you. He will move to his neighbour. And you will stay behind and no longer know what your life is about. And that will hurt more than all the pain before.
You won’t get answers to your questions, to the “why?” You’ll think you’re to blame.And he will mock you. Show his true face. His true intention was never to love you unconditionally. He is also “not a father.” He will make it clear to you what he wanted. The feeling of being loved. For his ego. He just needs himself. His life only circulates around him.
That will shake you at its core.You notice that you have been used. It hurts even more. For separation does not mean love grief. Where no past love, there is no love grief. All you have to do is have the silent humiliation that you have opened your heart to someone who just wanted to use it, to dwell in it, to live in it.
You will feel dirty and used.He won’t care. You will cry for something that never existed. He won’t care. You will see the next, your neighbour, and break it. He won’t care.
He will live his life as before, before you, and find the next sacrifice, the next open heart, the next “mother of his children”
You will be broken and destroyed, like a house, your house where vandalism was carried out.
It’s not matter if I warn you.You can’t help it. There is no other way. The attraction is too great, the goal too tangible, the seduction too violent and your pride too huge. i. Can. it. Create.
I am sorry for you, because as another woman you will emerge from it, wave, fall.Maybe stronger, but bitterer, older, greyer. He will remain eternally young, for he devours our misery. He will never understand what he has done to all of us. He can’t. And if you feel sorry for him, you’re still circling around him, even though he’s been putting his arms around him for a long time and saying, “You’re the mother of my children. I love you and need you and stay with you, you are the mother of my children.”