My nickname on dating sites is “Carebear”.:) Most of the time I see myself as a sweet, funny and likeable teddy bear:
Another time I see myself as that.
The pinnacle of logic and reason. An intellectual.
Then there is the third side of me, when I am offended, a distinct personality arises, a very hateful one.
None of these images describe narcissism.
They just describe how I see myself. A fragmented soul.
This picture, on the other hand, shows a person with NPD:
This picture is from a clinical report on the NPD that I read.
It shows a healthy normal self and a narcissism self.
The red dots symbolize violations of your person, but they have been blocked by your defense system.Things like trauma, insults, bad experiences in life, lost love, hardships and so on.
The yellow dots are violations that have allowed you to break your psychological defense susning and cause lasting damage.Let’s say the dog you loved as a child died in a car accident in front of you. It was so mentally painful that it left a permanent scar on you.
It was horrible and invaded your defense, but it didn’t damage your inner self, which is represented by the colorful inner ball.
As you can see in the normal core, there were numerous violations, but they did not go deep.You shook it off and just called it life experiences from which you grew up.
But then you look at the core of the narcissists, it’s completely corked.There have been so many breaks and attacks that have left the core in a fragmented chaotic mess.There is hardly anything left of the core!
So the child with this core had to develop a robust and massive primitive psychological defense system to protect the remaining parts of the core.We must survive! The defense mechanisms of an NPD are much larger than those of a normal person. The thick red barrier around the self of the narcissists forms the massive psychological defense system.
This explains why narcissists get so angry when you criticize, insult, or question us.Since this is an attack on our core and our core is already damaged, we must protect it by turning the tables and hitting you back to push you back.
People with NPD were usually subjected to relentless attacks in childhood.Do you see all these huge yellow dots? These are traumas.
That’s why narcissists need other people to feel in the gaps.Many psychologists have said that narcissism is simply a wounded child in an adult body.
I need others to tell me who I am, and it’s better positive feedback, just positive feedback!
My first time in a mental hospital I was interviewed with a psychologist and a psychiatrist (this was before my NPD diagnosis) and they asked, “What can we do to help you?” And I replied:
‘I don’t know who I am.Sometimes I wonder if I’m like an onion, layer by layer of defense mechanisms, whose core has nothing. My biggest concern is that my core is either non-existent or faulty. As if I were a defective person at the core, dysfunctional and broken. If it could be that I’m broken, I often wonder. I need help to explore this. “
They looked at each other with a smile and then said, “In all our interviews, this was the most intriguing request we’ve ever received.We accept your request and look forward to working with you. “
In my opinion, this is an image that describes narcissism: