After 35 years of marriage, my parents ended up in a fighting divorce where the dogs didn’t have any bread.This started as at Thunderbeats, a week after our announcement that my wife was pregnant with our first baby;)
At first I helped them-money, shelter, a listening ear.There was a distance to both of them because the accumulation of occurrences was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to be involved anymore. I could not listen to it either.
Only a year or 5 after the divorce, this is a bit recovered, but never more well come.
More remotely.At both. Because of what happened beforehand and a little by afterwards. Divorce was pronounced when I was just 19.
Because of the conditions before and after the divorce, I took the parental role on me.After the divorce, I have stayed with my mother for a year to help her get to an independent life. Then I left. Because I became a parentified child, I no longer saw them as the parents who accompanied me in my life course. They still haven’t taken this elder role back, but I’ve redeemed mine.
It was a fairly conversational divorce.My father is very practical and had everything figured out and arranged. My mother always leaned on another and touched into a deep valley. She behaved like a stereotyped teenager and sought salvation in friends, booze and hobbies. Everything to do but not to face the situation.
Both parents were mentally not strong enough to accompany their children in the whole process as well.The one by guilt, the other by denial.
It has been running for several years not so well.They even bought a larger house, hoping that more space caused them not to be glued together. This has been held for 5 years. They might have more room to isolate themselves as needed, but the problems were still there.
I was prepared for everything, knew for months that the divorce was about to come.I was the one who loved the atmosphere in the house and took over if the parents could not fulfill their parental duty. I became a parentified child.
Once the divorce was over, my mother came back on her own legs, my father got a new relationship.I left. I have taken away from them. They lost their parental role, just as I had lost my kindrol. So I decided to move on independently.
Just like Quora user I have had to experience a fight separation that was not very conducive to the atmosphere let’s say.I was still very young, 12 years old, and had to make equal choices that I didn’t want and couldn’t make.
The divorce came out of nowhere for me and it seemed as if we were going from ‘ everything ‘ to ‘ nothing ‘ as a family.
The divorce was the beginning of years of quarrels among themselves, so I consciously chose to take away at some point.In the most literal sense: I went to Australia. I was happy to breathe and start a new life.
I think it happened because my parents were very concerned with their own interests, in my opinion materialistic interests.I never really experienced them as parents and many questions have remained unanswered, but now I have peace with them. I thought it was a very separate experience to marry then I can tell you. You can imagine that I have a lot to do to give it a better outcome.